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Your Friendly Neighbourhood KKK Watch


Don't you feel safer already?

Don’t you feel safer already?

Sometimes the stories write themselves. Yes, the residents of Fairview Township can sleep safely tonight knowing that the KKK is there to watch over them. Well, African-Americans, Hispanics, Catholics, Jews, East Asians, South Asians, Central Asians… OK, let’s make this simple, poor WASPs can sleep soundly knowing the KKK is watching over them, the rich SOBs never need to worry. The rest of us are shit out of luck.

Disturbingly this isn’t a one-off. It’s an actual trend with the KKK launching similar programs in Missouri and Virginia. Perhaps inspired by the civic minded goodness of neighbourhood watchers like George Zimmerman and Michael Dunn the KKK wants in on some of that Neighbourhood Watch action.

But lest we get carried away with the obvious jokes, the KKK wants you to know that they’re not really violent. Sure there were some excesses in the past, lynchings, arsons, murders, cross burnings, and overall behaving like Jewish settlers on the West Bank, but that’s all in the past. They’re a warm, loving Christian organisation these days. I mean, sure they exclude Catholics, Orthodox Catholics and the Oriental Orthodox, but hey, no one’s perfect, right?

The real takeaway from this is that the KKK seems to finally realise that we live in the age of marketing, where every human being, no matter how despicable, can be “good” with the right branding and social media presence. Unfortunately for the KKK their brand is too badly damaged to ever be resuscitated. God help us when one of them takes Marketing 201 and discovers rebranding.


  1. GOP Proposes New “Indian Reservation” in Detroit. | Not the Onion - […] an official from very affluent Oakland County, Michigan is nearly an honorary member of the local KKK Neighborhood Watch. …

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