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Sanhedrin v. Jesus II: The Rumble in the Temple

The Sanhedrin will pay you for your testimony.

On behalf of Not the Onion readers everywhere we have petitioned the Sanhedrin to dress like this for the trial.

For those of you that know what the Sanhedrin was, this headline might be a little confusing. I can hear you saying “E.H., the Sanhedrin ceased to exist in the fifth century, A.C.E., what nonsense is this?” (Seriously, the amount of data the NSA has on you is amazingly creepy.)

I’m glad you asked. Apparently as Benjamin Netanyahu’s Israel has achieved faster than light travel to the right, they are reviving classical era religious governance. In a country rapidly spinning off into utter insanity, this is a whole new level of batshit crazy.

And just what has this new Sanhedrin been up to? They’ve decided to relive their greatest hits. Their ancestors tried Joshua ben Joseph, and now they’re going after his vicar. No, really.

I can hear you scratching your heads from here. “E.H., I could understand creationists wanting him tried for chiding them, I can understand the US government wanting him tried as a war criminal for opposing US wars, but what is this honky ass bullshit about?”

I’m glad you asked. See, the Vatican under Francis recognized the State of Palestine, to the crazy, and well to the right of Attila the Hun, Jewish settlers there is no such thing as a Palestinian. To them there are just Jews and talking animals. And if you think I’m exaggerating here, the former Chief Sephardic Rabbi of Israel is here to set you straight  (Ovadia Yosef 9/24/1918 – 10/7/2013). To the settlers, there can be no reminder that people have lived in this region from time immemorial. To them, it’s the natives who stole the land:

“We require from you an apology for your recognizing as a nation those who stole the land, those who are known as the Palestinian Authority, and we are informing the Vatican that the sole God given right to the land of Israel is to the Nation of Israel.”

Yes, you’re reading that aright. It was the evil natives that stole their homeland from the European settlers. They really do honestly believe this. So what do you do with people this intractable? Well, the Vatican is probably having the same reaction you are. They’re laughing their asses off.

What else is there to do when an alleged modern secular state resurrects a 22 century old religious court system to condemn people for being naughty?


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