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Phoenix Police Raid Temple of Sex

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A priestess in the Temple of Hoochie

My priests never looked like this, I'd be more devout if they had.


The Phoenix Police department announced the raiding of a local temple after what acting police chief Joe Yahner described as “an intense and very dangerous eighteen month undercover investigation.”

The place in question was The Phoenix Goddess Temple, who by their own admission practice “sacred sex” and “sexual healing”. Temple founder Tracy Elise defended her church’s mission. “We practice sacred and safe sex. And our teachings center on the sacred self. We are not a house of prostitution. The arrests were totally uncalled for.”

Police Chief Joe Yahner disagreed, however. “The investigation was extensive. We sent more than half the force into the temple over the course of our year and a half investigation. We wanted to make extra certain that they were violating the law, and that we would have plenty of police testimony to back up the charges. I can personally assure you that we put together an airtight case. I personally made eight trips to the temple as part of this operation.”

One of the temple’s healers, who requested that she only be identified as Sophia, commented on Chief Yahner’s claims. “In retrospect we should have known what was going on. We all recognized the chief after we saw him on the news, he was the worst tipper. There were a lot of men and women that visited us, they all demanded happy endings and were looking for discounts. So it’s pretty clear now that they were not only pigs, but they were also pigs.”

Another of the healers, who identified herself only as Gaia, commented, “A lot of the people that come to us are just lonely and looking for a little company. We should have known that the overly aggressive ones were the police. One of them used to ask all the girls if he could sodomize them with a billy club. We just thought it was a fetish, but apparently it was actually an interrogation technique.”

One of the people arrested, healer Wayne Clayton, further commented, “We should probably be grateful that they didn’t attack our temple with armed SWAT teams. Had they come in like they usually do around here we probably would have had a bunch of people die in some really embarrassing circumstances.”

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