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Iowan Pigs Bust Pig for Mistreating Pussy


Bill the Jilted Feline Lover

"I can't believe she dumped me for that bastard."

A crystal meth user was arrested in Council Bluffs, Iowa for practicing rough sex in pursuit of a little pussy. Thirty year old Gerardo Martinez was arrested by local police after his horrified neighbors watched him toss his lingerie clad cat out an open window while shrieking at it that it was “a little tramp”. According to neighbors he also danced the lonely mambo as his “girlfriend” plummeted to the ground.

His case wasn’t helped when he answered the door naked and explained to police that he’d had the fight with “his girlfriend” because he’d been smoking crystal meth (note to you drug users, try not to confess to the pigs, because not only will they steal your stash they’ll arrest your ass). Further complicating matters was his status as a registered sex offender, which might explain the lengths he was willing to go for some pussy.

The cat survived the seven-story fall, losing three of its nine lives in the process. Chief Deputy Jim Matthai of the Pottawattamie County Sheriff’s Office said, “Mr. Martinez admitted to smoking crystal meth, and the officers on site noticed that his genitalia had been rubbed with a substance that appeared to be marijuana, which upon further testing proved to be catnip. He had also, apparently, rubbed his nipples with expensive cat food.”

When asked if there would be any more charges forthcoming he replied, “I don’t know. Prosecutors are looking into what they can do with Mr. Martinez. Some of us are just happy that there were no dead deer involved.”

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