Gary Oldman Denies Being Arrested as Dirty Old Man
Police in Spring Hill, Tennessee apparently arrested Gary Oldman for having sex with a homemade sex doll outside Allendale Elementary School. Attempts to reach Gary Oldman were initially unsuccessful, due to his lack of an official publicist.
His agent, Douglas Urbanski, however, did make a comment when ambushed at his house. When shown the mug shot photo he was heard to mutter “Jesus, he told me he was clean.” When asked to clarify he said “Look, that photo is clearly Bill Fichtner, you know, the guy from Prison Break, Armageddon and Blackhawk Down? It couldn’t have been Gary, I’m fairly certain he was on set with the new Batman film.”
When informed that Dark Knight Rises was in post-production he testily replied, “Look, it wasn’t Gary, OK? I’m telling you, it has to be Bill Fichtner.”
Contacting Mr. Fichtner’s public relations firm, Baker-Winkour & Ryder brought no clarification to the matter, as their official statement read, “Mr. Fichtner denies having been in Tennessee at the time in question, and has steered clear of the state since that unfortunate incident in Lynchburg a few years back.”
Spring Hill police would only confirm that they arrested a man that looked just like Gary Oldman, but said that the suspect continued to deny that he was the actor. “Won’t give us a straight answer on why he was doing the plastic fantastic with homemade sex doll, much less give us a straight answer about what he was doin’ here rather than on the Batman set.”